You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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