BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
