Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
