I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
