a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
