I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
