Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
