worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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