Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
