Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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