Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
