He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
