i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it because I queefed?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
