just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
