dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
