You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize