If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
