i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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