why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize