you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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