Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
