I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
