I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
