we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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