I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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