I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
