I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
