I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
