I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
