I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
