Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
