I cannot find my penis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize