I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
