It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
