just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
