The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize