I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
