i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
