she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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