when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
