Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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