I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
MIDGETS
????
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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