I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
