you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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