a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
