Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize