I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
