he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
