Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
