I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
