giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize