He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
