the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
