Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
