Pappa wants mamma naked
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
