He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
