im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
