just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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