I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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