so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
