ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
