shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
