Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
