What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
