Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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