just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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