I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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