How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
