No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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