Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish my penis had a tongue
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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