After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize