dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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