Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
