I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
