11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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