I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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