Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
