I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize