Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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