I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
