There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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