Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
