So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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