i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
