i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
