if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
