You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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