Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
