It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize