Can i not drive my cunt home
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
