you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
