Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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