Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
