Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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