I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
pray to the hookup gods
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
