i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
