She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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