is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
