I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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