i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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