she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
