Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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