remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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