the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
