i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
