There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
